My Higher Power is John Stamos
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
