A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
