Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
