Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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