Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize