were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
