i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
