I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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