well you can't waste a boner
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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