Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize