I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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