oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize