My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
