and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I want to be your penis for a week.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
