Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You're like the curious george of whores
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
