You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Let's get the cat blown out
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
