um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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