I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
