Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
