You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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