This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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