i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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