College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
