Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
