you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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