Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
