Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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