Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
