Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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