We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
