i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
