i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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