That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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