I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
