i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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