I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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