When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Found your dick twin last night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
