Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
