On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have fence marks all over my body
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
