The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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