sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
