I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
