Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
