dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize