My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
