She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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