so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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