So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
