So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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