Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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