Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
