I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
