Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
