come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
