Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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