my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Your cock deserves a montage
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
