I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
