those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
