i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
