I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
