i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
