Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
vagina is talking i cant
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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