bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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