I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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